Category: Blog

So I’ve spent the last 2 hours trying to find out how to customize minor stuff in this blog, such as removing the “tag: ” title from “tag: blog” in the blog page, which isn’t a real problem but really bugs my inner OCD. It turns out that you can only customize up to a certain extent if you’re a free WordPress user, and further customization will require an upgrade to premium. Well screw that for now, though i can imagine upgrading in the future if i’m still blogging. As for now I’ll be settling with this theme, looks pretty lit.

Anyways about 3 weeks ago I applied for graduate positions in some audit firms. I’ve only received replies from 2 of the 4 firms I’ve applied to so far, one who interviewed me on the phone and another one who notified me via email that they are reviewing my application. I can’t really do much about it now but hope for the best.

Needless to say I don’t have alot going on right now, thus far I’ve filled my time by going to the gym, learning how to code, binge watching tv series'(mostly anime) and taking guilt-filled afternoon naps.

A few years ago, edX and Harvard collaborated to release a course called CS50: Introduction to Computer Science. Thanks to that, I’m able to learn coding for free, with access to lectures and problem sets from Harvard. Coding, or rather, computer programming was something I was always intrigued with. I love the idea that there’s a language, actually, many languages based entirely off logic, if something doesn’t work you know it’s because there was a flaw your code. I’m part of the group that thinks that computer programming should be taught in school, i think it teaches a way of thinking that is fundamentally important to people, similar to the sciences.

I guess that’s all for now, man it’s been hard to write lately, even 300-ish word posts like this take me a long time to finish, not like that’ll stop me writing though, ciao.

I remember not too long ago we were all busy preparing for our SPM exams, that all went by in the blink of an eye. I took 2 of my last 3 papers in December, and I’ll take the last one in March this year. The December results were released a few days ago, and i cannot tell you the breathe of relief i felt after passing both papers. 1 more to go.

With the results out and my final paper just over a month away, I knew that i would begin to feel lost again, unsure what what my next move should be. It’s tough because I want to make sure i cover all my options, but i don’t know all my options, and the consequences of those options, the doors they open, and the doors that they close. At these times you wish you knew better, but you can’t know better until knowing better is useless.

I felt like i should write down what i’ve been through ever since graduating, a synopsis of my life for the past 3 years if you will, mabe that’ll help me see clearer. Rewind.

I went straight to college the following January post high school graduation, though technically i did have 2 trips with my friends before starting college. I enrolled for CAT in MCKL because 1) the fees were cheap 2) I had a good shot at getting a full scholarship and 3) it’s right beside the MRT station so that solves any transport related problems. Why CAT(and subsequently ACCA)? i honestly don’t know, but that’s something worthy of it’s own post.

Classes usually start at 8, so i’d have to get up a 6.30 and arrive at the train station at about 7.15 to be in class on time. I enjoyed my time there, even though we were only a small class of 10. I enjoyed the company i made, and I’ll never forget the countless times we just went on the train to different places during our lunch breaks, the good food we had together, and the laughter we all made.I did go on a trip to Thailand in June when one of our friends came back from the UK, that was a nice getaway and a trip i will remember for the rest of my life. Other than that, MCKL was my 2014, i didn’t go out as much as i should’ve probably, i made a small group and friends and stayed with them, but i don’t regret any of that, because our past makes us who we are, and i like who i am( well for the most part).

The end of 2014 marked the end of our CAT program, the 5 of us went on a road trip to Penang which concluded the year for us, and that was that.

2015 was a year of change, as the saying goes, life’s a bitch until you die, and i assure you, life was being more than a bitch, though in retrospect it may just be me being the bitch, but whatever, that isn’t the point. The year got off to a shitty start and in March that year i stepped into a gym for the first time in my life, and i’m not exaggerating when i say that it changed my life. I felt so much better, my mind was distracted, I had a goal to strive towards, and the dopamine just kept coming, for the first time in a long while, I felt genuinely happy.

I went away to Perth to stay with my aunt from August to the end of October, I needed the break, and also time away from so called reality to figure things out, similar to right now, I was at a point of my life where I was unsure what to make of it. I thought about switching courses, i wasn’t sure what to do with myself, and i haven’t had a proper break since SPM ended. I know i’m privileged to even be able to do that, to get air tickets and fly off just like that, and for that i am eternally grateful to my family for the love and support they’ve shown me. Because of these 2 decisions, 2015 turned from being recipient of the “worst year of my life” award, shitty and borderline unbearable to a pretty solid year, and I was able to stay on pace and complete 6 out of the 11 ACCA papers, which was the cherry on top.

I went back to Sunway the following year, I’ve made new friends and reunited with some old ones. We moved out of my grandparent’s house into a new apartment at the start of the year, in July I went to Thailand again with my high school mates, and we concluded the year together on 31st December at a BBQ party at a friend’s house.

With how short i wrote 2016 to be, you’d think that it was a normal or boring, but it wasn’t, it was full of surprises,  full of emotion, full of excitement, too much to even begin. I’ve found things, and lost others, and i do miss them, i really do.

So here we are, 2017, my 21st year on planet Earth, I still feel like a lost and confused teenager, and i’m starting to think that i always will, we never really “figure” things out, we continuously learn and adapt to new situations, it’s fundamentally human. Perhaps that’s precisely what makes life so damn exciting, not knowing what the future holds, always anticipating, always striving to be better.

I’ve been struggling to write lately, thoughts come and go but they’re never clear enough for me to put them into words. It’s never easy to write, but I have to write, writing is the only escape I have.

The beginning of 2015 marked the lowest I’ve ever been, I’ve never felt that shitty before and I never want to feel the same way again. The memories of the feelings that left me still haunt me whenever I think about it. Retrospectively I’m glad that it happened. You can sleep well with the knowledge that you won’t fall any further, you’ve already hit rock bottom.

A lot has happened since then, I’ve become somewhat a different person, I’ve learned lessons that I will never for the life of me forget. I feel less emotionally invested if I’m being completely honest, not for the fact that I don’t care, I still do, but I’ve come to realise that you can only do so much, and you have to know when too much is too much, you’ll only hurt yourself if you go further. Perhaps it’s more selfish than not, but the heart and mind is too fragile to be hit twice.

I had a vision of how I wanted to be 1, 2, 5, 10 years from then, and I still do today. I wanted to do a lot of things, go to the gym, learn how to cook, learn how to play the piano, the guitar, learn how to code, read books, read more books, go on hikes, volunteer for charity, lots and lots of things that I thought would make me a better human being, things that I thought would make people pay more attention to me. Ultimately, as you would expect from life, things didn’t all go the way i wanted, some of them I did, some of them I didn’t, most of them I half-assed. That’s not to say I’m not proud of myself for coming this far, the journey wasn’t easy, and a lot of times I look in the mirror and wonder, is it all worth it? I never found the answer to that question, but for all the time we spend wondering if anything is ever worth it, we could have just went out and done it instead and leave the wondering for suckers.

This new year wouldn’t be complete without a cringeworthy theme/goal for 2017. I’ve decided that 2017 is going to be “the year of ME”, I want to focus on myself, and myself only, all other things will be secondary, at least for now.

Wubba lubba dub dub.